"I Fit the Very Profile of a Proper Presbyterian"

Old Seal of My Denomination

“I Fit the Very Profile of a Proper Presbyterian”

(In imitation of the song “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General” from “H.M.S. Pinafore” by Gilbert and Sullivan)

I fit the very profile of a proper Presbyterian;

My attitude’s connectional, prophetic, and Rotarian.

I promulgate God’s policies on Washington and Hindustan,

And fob at golf and tennis to keep trim and get a healthy tan.

I revel in committees, for “the process” makes me cheery, and

The jokes at Presbytery make me laugh until I’m weary, and

I use inclusive language for the Godhead and the Trinity:

Committed to continue till the universe is gender-free!

CHORUS:

COMMITTED TO CONTINUE TILL THE UNIVERSE IS GENDER-FREE,

COMMITTED TO CONTINUE TILL THE UNIVERSE IS GENDER-FREE,

COMMITTED TO CONTINUE TILL THE UNIVERSE IS GENDER-GENDER-FREE!

Because I’ve found a meaning for shalom that lets me pick a fight

I’ll bait the Reformation till they see the light and get it right.

Because I’m so connectional, prophetic, and Rotarian,

I fit the very profile of a proper Presbyterian!

Dennis Evans, 1990

I would say, in my defense, that this poem is satirical and not autobiographical. 

I've never posted a video clip on my blog. But let's try this from Gilbert and Sullivan.